Tim's Periscope

As some of you may have seen, a few weeks ago I changed my name to The Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality Tim Pilgrim.

Although happy with this wonderful addition to my otherwise drab name, I still think it needs a little something else.

A little va va voom. A pinch of pinache. A dollop of drama.

My current problem with it is the Tim bit. It's just not cool enough.

You never see a great leader called Tim Mandela or a Martin Luther Tim. No famous film stars called Tim Pitt or QuinTim Tarantino. No ruthless dictators called SadTim Hussein or insane fundamentalists called Osama Tim Laden.

Never has there been a famous rock star like Tim Jagger or Timmy Mercury. No even an Eltim John.

Instead people called Tim are usually twats like Timmy Mallett or Tim Nice but Dim.

Or cripples like 'Timmy' from South Park and Tiny Tim from Dickens Christmas Carol.

There's even a film called Tim. This would be ok if it were a big Hollywood Blockbuster with guns and fast cars and sexy women, but no. Tim is a film about a slow person.

And by 'slow' I don't mean shit at the 100m sprint.

To almost hammer home the point there was even a Canadian TV series called The Adventures of Timothy Pilgrim (they got the whole whammy in there). Was it a show about a sleek secret agent, who drinks fancy cocktails and gets the girls? No, of course it wasn't.

It was about a time travelling tramp called Tim Pilgrim.

I'm not even making that up sadly.

So this leaves me with a problem. I need a new name. But what name?

I need a name that portrays my genius, my wit and my dashing good looks (I'm not delusional, honest)

Something heroic and God-like will do. Hercules or Thor perhaps?

Or something exotic like Tiki or Popolimbo?

Popolimbo Tiki Thor Pilgrim does have a nice ring to it I must admit.

Or maybe I could use Princes method and just use a symbol?

Something like Ω or @.

Arggh, decisions decisions.

For now I'll have to stick to Tim I suppose, but one of these days I'm going to march down the depole office and give those bastards something to really snigger about.


Until next time, peace be with you.

The Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality Popolimbo Tiki Thor Pilgrim.....esquire.