Tim's Periscope

Holiday Inn Preston Review

Coming up in the taxi toward the Holiday Inn I felt a feeling I’d never felt before. Maybe it was the dull weather, the tiredness or the two cans of Red Stripe I’d drank on the train-perhaps all three- but for a brief moment I felt like a Russian political dissident, being driven to some god-awful Soviet police station, where I’d no doubt be tortured thoroughly before being sentenced to a life of hard labour in the Gulag.

It is fair to say my initial impression wasn’t good.

The outside out the building is pretty grim, being as it is completely devoid of any nice colour, save the white and green Holiday Inn logo plastered at the top. One side of the building overlooks a perfectly constructed four-way junction, while the other side faces the equally stunning multi-storey car park/bus terminal.

Once inside however the mood improves. Although the welcome when you walk through the door is non-existent- the front door just leads you to a lift and a staircase- it’s modern and well kept. The reception, restaurant and bar are all located on the first floor, all of which give off a contemporary feel and fit nicely with the ‘all-business’ mood of the place.

My room was on the 4th floor, which was reached using possibly the world’s slowest lift- a lift so slow I think there’s probably moss growing on the pulleys. One other note on the lift, it features possibly the most pointless sign I have ever seen.  On the inside there is a plaque which states “Please leave lift when doors open.” What could possibly have happened in the history of the Holiday Inn to warrant that sign?  Maybe we’ll never know...

The room itself was very nice albeit slightly on the small side. All the mod-coms were there- Plasma TV, Ethernet port, Mini-bar etc- although if you need things life irons and ironing boards then you need to ring down to reception who will dutifully bring one up to you.

Dinner was good but the prices would have put me off if I were paying for it myself. My first meal from the fairly limited menu  was a steak and chips but be warned, if you order the steak well-done then expect it to come back looking like it’s been cooked in a toaster. Second night I went for the fish and chips which although damn tasty was definitely not worth the £11.50 they are charging. The third night I went for the Cumberland Sausage, mustard mash and red onion gravy and I must admit it was the best meal I’ve had in ages.

Breakfast is a typical full-English buffet. It’s best to leave it for a few minutes after you’re asked which toast and drink you’d like because all three mornings I’d manage to finish my breakfast by the time the toast and coffee turned up.

So in summary, if you ever find yourself in the unfortunate position of being stuck in Preston for 3 day and are looking for somewhere to stay, I’m sure you could do a hell of a lot worse than the Holiday Inn.

With Golf and Rugby having just been added to the roster of Olympic sports for 2016, I would like to suggest my own sport for 2020..... The Danny Dyer Drinking Game.

What you need before you get started (every sport needs equipment at the end of the day)....

1. A crate of beer/cider/wine/anti-freeze
2. A TV....the bigger the better
3. Somewhere to sit/stand. A floor will do (surely everyone has a floor?)  
   
4. Either a DVD/VHS of Danny Dyer's Real Football Factory or a cable TV connection with BRAVO (which has pretty much constant reruns of Danny Dyer's programs on it.)
   

The rules of the game are very simple.  A group of people sit around with their drinks watching Danny Dyer. Whenever either Danny or one of his interviewees say ' You know what I mean?' then you have to take a good long swig on your drink.

When I first suggested this game I didn't realise quite how often 'You know what I mean?' would be said, but it comes up so often that sometimes you can't even get the drink away from your mouth before you're having to take another swig.

Try it for yourself and show your love for this amazing sport by writing to the IOC suggesting it's given the proper status of a leading sport that it deserves.

Mr Timothy Pilgrim- that's my name. Always has been and until today I thought it always would be.

Thanks to this website however I can now legally (in the USA at least) go by the name Rabbi Timothy Pilgrim (even though I'm not Jewish), The Mother Superior Timothy Pilgrim (even though I'm neither Christian nor female), Guru Timothy Pilgrim (even though I'm not a...ummmm....Guru) or my personal favourite- The Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality Timothy Pilgrim. I could even call myself The Soul Therapist Timothy Pilgrim if I wanted to- but that just makes me sound like a failed Motown Singer.


Not only have I now got myself a cool title, I can also legally perform marriage ceremonies in some states. Reading through their website, so long as the ceremony includes the words 'Do you (fill in name) take (fill in name)....' and they both say 'I do' then I can marry anyone.

Want to marry your gran? Then you're sick and wrong

Want to marry your parrot? Then with some training that might well be possible.

Now, I appreciate that some religious people might find it offensive that I, an atheist, have just got myself ordained as a religious minister. And to those people I can only say.....Boo hoo, maybe you shouldn't be so easily offended.

There is a serious point to be made from all this though.

A lot of people think that those who hold a title, be it a Royal title (Lord, Baron, Sir etc), a professional title (Doctor, Professor etc) or a religious title (Reverend, Rabbi, Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality etc) hold  authority over them.

I've just proven that this isn't the case. 

Just because someone calls themselves a Reverend, Iman or Rabbi, it doesn't mean that they have any right to a higher social standing than you do. At the end of the day they might just be a bored student with too much time on their hands, looking for something random to write a blog post about.

Peace Be Upon You

Signed...


The Spiritual Warrior Timothy Pilgrim

The Church of Questionable Authenticity


FOR A FULL LIST OF AVAILABLE TITLES
CLICK HERE

Since the smoking ban was forced on us back in 2007 pubs have been closing at an alarming rate, with recent figures showing that that seven pubs close down every day.That's seven publican families who's livelihood is lost EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Shocking I think you'll agree.

Of course, with the economy being in the dismal state that it is the blame can't be fully attributed to the smoking ban but it's hard to argue that it hasn't had a negative effect. At the time the smoking ban was being introduced it seems most people were happy with the idea of 'smoking pubs', that being that landlords can decide whether their pubs are smoking or non-smoking. The government however then countered that the staff in the smoking pubs shouldn't have to be subjected to other peoples second hand smoke, so they cast this idea into their 'good Idea's we'll ignore' bin.

I'm not happy with this argument though. 

Surely if you don't like smoking then 'DON'T WORK IN A SMOKING PUB!!!'    It's just like if someone doesn't like heights I wouldn't recommend they become a professional wire walker. Or if they hate dogs maybe they shouldn't pursue a career as a vet.  Racist? Then don't apply for the immigration service. It's really not a hard concept.

The Labour government in their arrogance would never admit they have made a mistake, so the only hope for the pubs is that this government is dethroned next spring when an election is called. Both of the main opposition parties will be trying to push a Freedom of Choice message and I think it would be a perfect time for one of those parties to write an amendment of the smoking ban into their election manifesto.

At the end of the day Freedom of Choice means freedom for all, so having smoking and non smoking pubs will finally readdress the balance. People who like to smoke (and people DO like it, namely me) have somewhere to go as do those who aren't so keen. The pubs can make it clear on the front door whether or not they are smoking or non-smoking and then everyone knows where they stand. The pubs might then be able to pull themselves out of this downward spiral that is currently looking like it will decimate them.


Do you agree or disagree?

Feel free to join the debate in the comment box.

Google Docs is a fully featured Office Suite similar to the suite offered by Microsoft, the main difference being that Google’s product is offered exclusively online.  Any work you do in Docs is saved onto Google’s servers rather than your hard drive, meaning it can then be read or edited from any internet enabled PC or Mac. This may sound like a small difference but it can save you the hassle of saving all your work onto a USB stick and the worry that you’ll lose all of your work should your computer break or be stolen.  Another interesting feature of Docs is the ease at which it allows you to collaborate on a project. Simply open a new document, spreadsheet or presentation and invite the other people working on the project to access your work. They are then free to read and edit your work however they like and should you not like the changes made it’s easy to highlight recent changes and then change them back if need be.